The break up..

:'(

Shortly after V-day.. we broke up.. we had a quarrel.. abt me treating her as a gf becoz i wanted a gf tt's all.. She felt tt i dun love her and becoz i wanted to feel how it is like to have a gf.. i hated it.. i couldn't accept the fact tt we broke up.. i treated her well.. and nv had cheated on her or watever.. she brought up the topic of breaking up... i tried to hang on... i did my very best.. i brought her back to mt faber one nite.. tot of patching things up wiht her.. but she says she couldn;t face me again.. but would wish we continue becoming good friends.. 'good friends??" i ask it there's anybody inbetween us.. izzit her ex? she strongly said no.. tt nite.. i send her back again..i felt disappointed.. i even kneel down on her doorstep to ask for a restart... but she rejects me.. she cried again at her floor lift lobby... i looked up frm my car... i got the same look as mths ago when we 1st started... she called me telling me to drive carefully.. i told her the same thign.. i am a good driver... but i was thinking.. wat would happened if i really did not drive carefully and meet and accident? i wanted her to care abt me.. but i did not wan her to worry abt me.. BUT I drove home safely..

Days have past.. i tried calling her.. msging her.. she rejects my calls.. ignored me totally.. i was worried abt her.. it affected my work totally.. whenever i am free i am thinking abt her.. thinking abt how it could happened.. she is just a simple gal and i have hurt her so much.. i couldn't sleep at nite.. thinking abt her and the times we had....

weeks have past.. finially she replied my msg... i ask for a meet up... hopeing could patch thigns up.. and clear everythign... she rejected me... she turned me down... i was so sad... everytime saying she isn't free... was suspecting she was with someone else..

One Fri.. after booked out.. i drove up to her place... msged her.. 'i am waiting at ur void deck.. could we meet? i will wait till u come down.." she came down after bathing... we chatted abt how's life and stuff.. i pop the question again.. asking if we could still be together.. she surprise me this time with a big surprise... SHE'S ATTACHED... my heart breaks frm tt moment... she told me.. after we broke up.. she was sad.. and there is this guy who came into her life.. concerned abt her.. showed her some love.. and he who is older then her.. she fell in love with him... i did not beleive her... IT's THE BASTARD who stole her away frm me.. Up till todae.. i still thinks is tt farking bastard who stole her away.. i could still remember when we were together... there's once or twice.. she told me she meeting some guy near my house to pass him some vcds and books.. i felt it was ok.. since we both had our friends.. i did not fear anything.. How could she have fallen in love with some other guys in such a short while?? less than a period of 2 mths?? i could still remember her saying tt she couldn't forget her ex.. during the 1st time when we 1st started... and yet she told me she have aready forgotted abt me.. and let it be the past liao.. and moved on with life.. and starting to look at cute guys again.. and i was totally a history? i was furious that nite.. how could she just say forgets means forgets.. dun tell me forgeting a person can be tt easy... till now i have not forgotten abt her... i felt like dying... i was angry at her.. but it was my fault which made her to call for the breaks up... friends around me tried telling me to ignore her.. forget abt her... but i can't.. till now... i am still thinking of her... i gave her my best wishes.. for her and her bf.. but i did tt out of curtersy.. i guess tt's the only way out to get away frm the situation.. but i was still hopeing a patch up..On the way back i msged her this.. 'just remember in this world in this part of singapore, there's a guy loving u deeply in his heart not letting go.. i am sorry'

tt nite... i cried.. on the way back... i called KM.. he too had a some relation problems.. we chatted at his void deck... we toked alot.. tok abt him and his gf.. how things is.. he told me to let go.. but i can't.. telling me tt life still have to go on.. on point hanging on.. Back in camp.. i couldn't concentrate.. every min was left thinking abt her..

up to todae... 5 mths after we broke off... i am still missing her.. i remember once... the nite b4 my challenge relay.. she msg me.. asking how's life.. i was busy wiht some prep.. did not replied her.. but did not want her to feel me ignoreing her.. so i ended up calling her.. we chatted.. she sounded fine... still got the same prob of haveing headace now and then and the same cough.. i could not hold myself.. and told her i still miss her and i still loved her... i know it's wrong to do tt.. since she has got a bf liao.. but i still couldn't accept the fact that the farking bastard stole her away just becoz she had a lost feelings tt time and attacked her during her weakest pt.. i hate ppl who does tt... will it last?? i dunnoe.. yes she would have felt loved at tt time becoz.. it was her most sadest pt in life tt she have felt.. having a break up..but becoz of tt she fell in love with him?? i still couldn't accept it up to todae... I did not blame her... i know it's not her fault for the break up and not her fault for falling in love.. it's the bastard... i dunnoe y maybe it's becoz i still love her and couldn't affort to fault her saying these.. but... i always felt it this way..

on her birthday.. i msged her.. asking her for a meet up to pass her her present which i spent quite a time finding it... but not to forget with the help of mi xue and GL.. she ignored me.. she rejects my msg... till now her present is still inside my cardboard.. still waitign for the chance to give her.. We had agreed b4.. we would celebrate our birthdays together.. but she broke her promise... On my birthday... she did not turn up... i was disappointed.. though i have got many frineds around to celebrate with me.. but... i still miss her... tt nite i and my frineds went to watch initial D... the ending was so sad.. we went supper after tt.. and i was sad till i din say a word... i wanted to ask mi xue to msg her.. as i know she wun reply my msg.. but i dunnoe wat to msg her..

As days passes, weeks gone by, and mths flew... the feelings for her should have faded away like many of my friends said.. it takes time to heal... BUT.. i felt tt as time pass, the more i missed her.. I often had the urged to jsut go to her house and give her somethigns.. but i did not.. i did not want to see her with her bf.. tt bastard.. call me jealous.. but seeing someone whom u deeply loved with another guy isn't a good sight... i know.. many ppl out tt are scolding now me saying.. i can't treat her well so let some other guy whom can treat her well like a gf and at teh same tiem she could be loved... some says.. IF YOU LOVE SOME ONE.. YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE WITH HER..love can't be forced... 'u prefer her to suffer being with u or u preffer her to be love by others while u could just quitely love her and let her go..' till todae.. i shall ignore her till the time i could tell myself to treat her as a friend not someone whom i wish to still hanging on to then i shall msg her..