HI i am back..

Hi everyone.. i am back... i am sorry for missing for so long... 2 yrs to be exact... stay tuned for more updates... and please give me some time to reconcile my thoughts of what to write...

There are lots of changes in my life for the past 2 yrs since i have been away from blogging.. i will try to narrate what has happened slowly in more entries to come..

BUT there's still one thing for sure that NEVER changes... MY LOVE for her... I still MISS her..

MIA

Hi

Oh well… hi guys.. I am back… it’s been quite long I update my blog since my last entry.. hehe… sorry to keep u guys waiting.. hmmm.. just a brief update on the past events..

15th Oct..

hmmm… that sat was a special one.. it was the 1st ever friend’s birthday celebration I went throughout the year so happily celebrated... Oh it was Gin Rong’s birthday.. just to sidetrack alittle… in the month of October, I have got many friends’ birthday.. countless to name all.. even my mum also don’t believes I got so many friends having birthday every week.. almost practically every week there’s one.. some weeks there are even 2 or 3.. well.. I just got to say I got many friends.. haha… ok.. back to the topic.. Gin Rong’s birthday.. he held it at his house… hmmm a place where numerous club celebrations had been held b4.. a place where even our graduation celebrations for our senior (the batch b4 us) was held too.. at his place we even had a small recording studio to record a CD as part of a souvenir for the seniors.. the CDs include songs they themselves have written for the club and some songs written by our batch itself.. it’s kinda a memory for them.. hmmm recalling those poly days.. thinking back.. those were the days… oh yah where’s our own graduation celebration from our juniors when we graduate that time? Oh well.. it’s been so long since we graduated liao.. I guess it’s ok lah.. well.. maybe we are just too F up.. anyway that isn’t the topic.. back to NGR.. his intention was just maybe a small bbq over at his place and asking our batch over like a small gathering at the same time celebrate his birthday... well.. I guess different ppl have different perceptions of their 21st birthday.. some ppl like to have their birthday in big ballrooms with min of at least 20 tables which includes friends family and relatives.. and to some ppl a little more cash in hand like to have it in KTVs, PUBs and Lounges.. and some just have in their condo’s function room or at their own small confined house and just a small buffet and invites some long lost friends all the frm their pri sch to sec sch to poly and their camp mates.. well.. I guess NGR just don’t wanna spent too much $$ on such an event.. that’s y he choose a bbq and prepare the food himself... me went to help him early in the afternoon.. hmmm.. the night went pretty well.. with almost everyone present.. and the most funny thing was none of us drove that night.. Edwin, er jun, me all did not drive.. well maybe it’s a good start to go car free days..haha..

last sat.. 22 Oct..

Oh.. it was Zihui’s and William’s birthday.. Zihui is my pri sch friend.. hmmm.. he invited me over.. and zhong jie wanted to go too.. so we went Tampines mall to look for a present for him before going to the chalet.. after that went over to William’s birthday at changi.. I was late again.. I was so apologetic abt it.. but I bo bian.. by the time I reached I saw William walking out of the pool drenched.. a clear sign of being sabotage.. haha I miss the actions again.. anyway.. I brought my camera along and so we took a few photos.. after that we went to a new chill out place – SETTLER.. hmmm it’s a board game café.. and we had our fun there.. and later on I send them back.. well.. I was quite happy becoz for the 1st time ever… after umpteen times of sending people back home, it was the 1st time I heard from someone that she loves my car (if only it’s my own car) and my driving.. it was Merisa who said that.. she says.. my driving is very smooth and comfortable.. she even wanted to sleep in my car..(oh well maybe I was just exaggerating) haha.. but I was delighted.. but hey William don’t get me wrong.. I do not have any other intention.. what I meant was, after almost a year and a half of driving and sending people home.. she’s the 1st person who told me my driving was so smooth and comfortable… even Mi Xue didn’t even say that before.. well maybe she sat too many times and has gotten used to it le.. but I really felt like flying though.. but well I still got to get home safely.. on the way back, her (Janice) image starts to fall back on me again… with what Merisa told me it was such a smooth ride.. I started to imagine her sitting right beside me and watch me drives.. I recalled how she would always sit sideways with her back to the door and watch me as I drove seriously.. I missed the way she look at me.. and I would drives with one hand on the steering wheel and the other holding her hands tightly.. but.. it was also in this way that she told me b4… she dislike the way I drove.. she says it’s too serious and too fierce.. at that time, I thought to myself.. I am driving.. I need to concentrate.. and I hate people who don’t give ways and cut into my lane.. but well that’s history already.. that’s the reason why.. I changed.. I learn to be more alert and at the same time ignore those inconsiderate drivers on the road.. I was happy someone has said my driving was smooth.. oh well.. Takumi is me.. hehe.. Takumi Fujiwara will wait for his Natsuki Mogi's return.. Till then He will improve his driving skills to give her a smooth pleasant ride home.. Takumi will wait for her forever.. no one else could replace Natsuki Mogi

29th Oct

hmmm it’s weekend again.. and shit.. this week I got 3 friends celebrating their birthday.. one is Louis.. my BMT bunk mate.. now an officer.. on Friday.. I felt so bad I didn’t went for his birthday though.. coz I was in camp.. and I book out only at 8pm.. by the time I reached his place, I guess everyone has left.. and I would be so strange.. so I went home as I felt tired also.. Sat.. it was Vincent and Eric’s birthday.. they both had their celebrations on the same day.. but I only went for Vincent one… I met Tian Ai there.. and some of my classmate.. well it’s only 2 person not a lot came though.. after that I went lateh with Mi Xue they all.. I felt so bad for er jun.. coz nobody bother to reply his msg as he was trying his best to find a program for the night.. at 1st I ask him to find some program.. I suggested chomp chomp makan and some place to chill out.. he said okie.. and started msging the rest.. as he was at home.. easier to contact.. but he waited for more than 1 hr and yet nobody reply.. so his contingency plan was Dota with weishan Johnny they all.. so I thought he got his own program liao and didn’t bother to msg him either.. I could really understand how he felt.. being confined in camp for a week.. and finally the weekend has come, yet no program.. and everybody ignores him.. he would think of.. ‘next time why should I bother when they jio me out again?’ well I guess maybe there are some misunderstanding somewhere… as for me.. I almost felt the same way… but lucky they choose to come out after GX house..

SUNDAYS..

I hate Sundays.. I know I might have offended many ppl by stating that statement.. by I hate Sundays.. now every weekend to me it seems so boring.. with nothing to do.. nowhere to go.. and nobody to go out with.. especially Sundays.. it’s either going out with my parents to settle some errands or to stay at home nothing to do.. except to stick to the front of the computer… for example today… I have agreed on to meet GL at edwin’s place for a swim and a gym workout.. but unfortunately… he has something on.. so the event was cancelled.. leaving me alone the whole day… which forces me to recall back the times when I was with her.. by the evening, I would be at her place and going for dinner b4 booking in camp… KM just scolded me in MSN.. he said.. ‘last time is last time.. sad for a period enough le.. then move on…’ But… Arghz… there’s always a but in my dictionary …. I missed her… booking in tonight again… haiz.. lucky the week is short with 2 holidays in between.. but I felt so stupid.. having to book in and out on alternate days.. y can’t they be flexible?? Are doctors all so strait forwards in their thinking?? Well I don’t wish to say much..

A dream is meant to be a dream.. it will never come true

Hi

Well.. it’s the topic of her again..

Many ppl have asked.. y do u set up a blog? Blogs are only for those girls whom talk abt their daily lives with some posting cute pictures of their daily activity.. and for those guys who set up blogs are gays.. or they are just ugly and lonely.. But I set up this blog site is for her.. I wanted her to know that in this small part of the world.. in a small estate of a small country, Singapore, there’s still a lonely insignificant guy waiting for her.. Loving her deeply in his heart…

Many ppl have also asked.. does a combat medic in SAF really tt slack? Too slack to allow me to think of her every day? Every moment? NO! It’s NOT.. we do have our own training.. but to me, thinking of her makes me thinks of nothing else but her.. not to bother abt those childish platoon mates.. Whom likes to have prejudices against a certain group of ppl.. they just can’t seems to grow up.. and for every tough training, it’s only her tt I could think of to make myself motivate to move on.. it has since been a mental support for me.. but without her knowing it…

I have also started to wonder… hmmm AH HENG could just easily find a girl and be his gf from one of the outpost duty assigned to him.. He’s just a lucky guy.. tony.. has also started to date a girl.. with a toy frog from whom we believe to be a girl’s gift placing it by the side of his pillow… KB.. has so many girls around him.. and he still dunnoe who he likes.. there’s so many ppl starting to be in love.. and yet the bastard stole my happiness away… I always wonder.. do girls really like bad guy? There’s a saying in Chinese.. “ nan ren bu huai, nui ren bu ai” ( ‘guys not naughty enough, no girls will like’ literally translate) does it really mean I got to be stealing away other ppl’s gf then I will be able to find my happiness too??

Okie back to topic.. the dream.. there’s a series of events tt past..

Fri.. hurray it’s book out day.. I went home.. took a bus back.. Listening to my mp3 player.. ever since we broke off, I had been searching for songs that delicate to my heart.. sad songs especially.. and starts thinking abt her again.. I walk home from the bus stop and bypass the market and hawker centre.. FLASH!.. I saw a HER and a guy.. OH NO!!.. it’s really her.. I have been wanting so much to meet her.. to see her.. to see how much she has changed.. I was stoned.. I couldn’t react.. I did not know what to react.. she was holding his hand.. talking and very intimate.. she saw me.. but acted like as if we were strangers.. there was a lot of things in my mind running.. I could treat it as if nothing had happened and walked on.. or I could treat it like I had really gotten over her.. and walk up to her to say hi.. and chit chat like a long lost friend.. but I couldn’t.. the sight of that bastard.. makes me more agitated.. he makes me feel more like taking a jet knife from my pouch and walk up to him stab him in his back and went off.. I choose the 1st option.. I walked on and turned back for a last glance at her.. SHE gave me a BIG FAT UGLY smile.. as if asking me to FUCK OFF.. I was very upset..I had long for this day to come and it was like kinda a dream come true.. (or rather it was a nightmare tt came true) I knew there will be a day I will meet the both of them together hugging and kissing.. but I did not expect it to be on such a day… the bastard lives in my estate.. so they came over to the hawker centre for dinner b4 proceeding to his house I believe.. at that moment, it was just like watching a tv drama.. a guy witnessing his ex-gf with another guy walking along the streets.. I never expect myself to be witnessing that until tt day.. I really do not know how…

This afternoon.. after last night’s event, I woke up early after umpteen times of disturbance by my parents.. I went to sleep again at noon time.. this time I had a beautiful dream.. a dream tt would never happen again.. yes it’s abt her.. I dreamt abt her.. I couldn’t remember the events prior leading to the dreams.. but here’s how it goes.. I dream tt I met her.. she told me she broke off with her now bf to be with me.. I was puzzled.. I asked her why.. she told me it was becoz of me.. she still loves me.. I was puzzled too.. I said NO! to her though I wanted it so bad.. I told her I knew she still loves him.. with that I woke up upon the rings of the telephone.. arghh.. it made me so du lan.. I wanted to continue back the dream.. but well I guess I couldn’t…It was such a nice dream.. In the dream, we hugged each other.. just like what we used to do in the past.. I wanted to hug her and not to let go…she choose to stay close to me.. but it really makes me wonder.. what if it really happens? What should I do? I am so confused.. well after all it’s just a dream.. a dream tt will never come true..

Arhg it’s another mon again.. got to book in again.. it’s another week of tough missing of her and thinking of her again in a room shared with 6 more other guys…ARHG….

i am back..

Hi

Hmmm hello it’s been 2 long weeks ever since my last entry.. I am so sorry... just a quick update on past events..

2 weeks ago, my parents went on a holiday.. I was so happy.. coz it means I could use the car.. but also had to fight for the usage with my 2nd sis.. well.. she’s always complaining.. Complains tt I always use the car.. Argh.. whatever.. I hated it.. I am in the army from Mon – Fri.. She works Mon – Fri.. but it’s an 8-5 job.. she could use the car at night.. and I just wish to go out with my friends to more places.. y dun she just understands.. Well.. at last I won.. I got to use on the sat and she uses on the sun.. FAIR? Well I guess so..

That Sat afternoon… went orchard with KM to buy his cloths for presentation on Mon.. and went for Glen’s commission parade.. KM had nowhere to go so asked him along.. At the parade.. met a few guys.. Valmon (my BMT buddy whom we voted him for OCS.. It was his commission parade too together with Louis and Jason.. all my BMT mates) Vincent was there.. suffian was there on duty.. and Lydia was there too.. she went with cq for Eric’s commission parade.. well.. On the parade itself there was a lot of ppl whom I knew.. but time doesn’t permits me to go round to congrats them all.. well.. Actually my main purpose was to see glen commissioned.. it is an honorable event/moment for one who’s able to stand in the parade and with his family sitting in the grand stand watching him.. not to forget.. his friends who is there for him too.. i wanted him to know too tt I am also his friend whom attended his commission.. I had missed Edwin and William’s commission parade. i had something on tt day.. I did not want to miss yet another good friend’s commission so I was there.. well after all I am just a chao medic.. whom in any event of an accident, is suppose to save ppl.. to help injured ppl that’s all.. nothing honorable abt it.. That sat night went pretty well with us ended up in handle bar.. it’s a nice place..

The next day.. the club had an Interactive Camp reece at pasir ris.. it’s been a long time since I last joined them for any events.. and wanted to make my presence felt.. so agreed on meeting them.. woke up early in the morning.. went to helped my dad wash his car.. my sis had used the car for that whole week and I just used it on sat.. yet I had to do the washing.. wat to do.. after washing, went back to bath and change and went to pick mi xue GL GX and kel up.. upon reaching there.. it started to rain.. argh.. all my effort of washing the car has gone into the drain.. coz after every downpour, the stains of the raindrops will still remains on the windows and body of the car.. I was so frustrated.. but couldn’t do anything but just to drive on.. when we were there, was surprised to learn tt Keith was there too.. not too sure his main purpose but I guess he misses them too.. but I was so frustrated.. I spent half of my day waiting and waiting.. waiting for one another.. waiting for ppl to make decision.. waiting for ppl to come.. waiting for ppl to move on..Argh… I just hate it.. there’s so many ppl there.. and there’s so many opinion as to where to go.. what to do? Nobody wants to make a decision.. and when after someone makes a decision on what to do, nobody wants to follow.. it’s so frustrating.. And finally after much persuasion (and abit of tantrum)by mi xue, we decided to go KTV.. i was feeling tired but went with them though.. At the KTV.. nothing much except tt when a cute girl sang a song (zu wo shen ri kua le- by LANDY) I was memorize by tt.. I like her voice.. and the way she sang it.. it was beautiful.. even better than the singer…after tt day I went on to find the mp3 of tt song..

Yesterday.. it was another frustrating day for me.. it’s KB’s( my buddy in camp now) birthday.. he had a party at pasir ris.. he had a ballroom party.. of at least 20 tables.. we went there it was just like an wedding dinner without the presence of the bride.. (well maybe she’s present, just tt he never acknowledged her) I waited for jacky for at least half hour to 45mins.. for him to pick me up on his bike.. it is not the 1st time I sat on his bike, but it’s the 1st time riding a bike on the expressway running at speeds of up too 110km/h.. It’s fun and scary though.. after dinner.. went to meet Edwin mi xue they all.. I was so apologetic tt I choose to pang sae them for a batch dinner at merchant court and a birthday celebration at pasir ris.. I wanted to make up for it so I went to meet them up.. I admit I was late.. but I did not expect them to end the night so early and everyone decided to go home.. when I reached the pub, I haven sit down for more then 5 mins b4 they decided to leave.. I did not drive last night.. so I thought I could drink some.. it’s been quite long since I last drank.. (for those who don’t know, I usually drives and when I drives I can’t drink.. but it was for the sake of them.. so that I could give them a lift home after tt.. everytime they went drinking, I could only watch them drink.. and all I could ask the waitress was ‘erm.. do u have any non-alcoholic drinks?’ it’s so embarrassing but nevertheless it’s me whom choose to drive) but last night.. when I did not had the chance to drive.. I wasn’t drinking too.. when I reach there… all their faces showed signs of shagginess.. tiredness .. sleepiness. And when I went in.. every one had the look.. HURRAY!! Ming Feng is here.. we can go home le.. (am I tt unfriendly? Or am I an uninvited guess?) I bought my digi cam last night.. and thought I could take some batch photos… but the 1 of the main person wasn’t there (Edwin who went home earlier becoz he wan to watch movie) and with all their shag look, I couldn’t get any.. GL suggested super.. nobody 2nd his suggestion.. except me.. could see tt he suggest tt just to make me happy.. coz they just had buffet and was so full.. I rejected his offer and went home with them… on my way home.. I kept thinking.. y.. I just had to admit to myself tt they are really tired.. mi xue went on a KTV marathon frm morning till night.. EJ GR must have either went fishing again or went shopping for their fishing equip.. the rest must have had a busy day… I got to admit I was late in joining them.. it’s not their fault tt I am late.. Neither do they have to wait for me.. I couldn’t spent the happy celebration with them..

Comments/forum or what ever..

Hi..

I really appreciate all the comments tt came in… continue giving.. DON’T stop the comments.. hehe.. I remember there was once er jun and gin rong kept asking me to post entries.. so tt they could post comments.. just like catching a drama series… haha.. well.. I am not any director or whatever.. I am just a chao medic.. whom is the lowest class in SAF…

Replying to the comments made..

quote : “Anonymous said...
pls dun put the 2 issues (fishing and the repairing of pc) together... and dun say i din help. u called and i offered u my advice. rem that? btw juz to let u know im currently not that into graphics card and pc stuff liaox. pls understand that ever since i started serving NS i've practically lost touch on those latest IT gadgets therefore not doin any more research. pls understand.thanks.”

Well.. I know u help me in advising me the graphics cards and all those.. but I mislook the point tt u are in army.. and has gradually lost touch with IT stuff..i always thought u are resourceful.. tt’s y I asked ur help..

Quote: “doey said...
I feel if ya need a listening ear.. i can be there for you... No advice-giving.. Jus a listening ear.. If ya need help to solve ya probelms.. can give me a call.. if ya trust in me.. “

Well.. not tt I never trust u.. it’s maybe the barrier between us.. I just dunnoe how I should communicate with u.. not tt I hate or prejudice against u or ur religion, aiyah I dunnoe how ot explain lahz..

Quote: “Anonymous said...
just to add in to the incident...i feel very sad that you... YES, YOU...! my good brother... has said such things about the incident...... i feel very hurt and sad that you can bear such thoughts about people... be it the fishing part "but he rejected her so many times.. saying so far away.. yet on fri nite he could go all the way to her house nearby for fishing.. for almost 2 hrs..hmmm well.. I dunnoe I got nothing to say.." or "kill that F*ker"...if you really think that way.. i really feel that i wasted my time because of me actually crossing the road to pass ya the cd... and to miss my first bus...... actually my point is...you not really happy because of such things... just say lar... need to do such things bo? kinda like backstab siaz.... whole day act like nothing wrong like tt... not happy say lar... we can all sit nicely talk talk mar...maybe its a sum of all other reasons/or incidents you face... thats why you are venting all ur feeling on this... but... i won't take this as an excuse lor...”

well.. I really appreciate ur effort tt day.. u came over to pass me the CD and causes u to miss ur bus.. I am really sorry and thankful for it.. it wasn’t meant to be a backstab.. I was just stating how I felt.. this is the only place I could vent my anger on.. there’s no other place.. as long as I do not post and racist comments or anything tt’s what blogging is abt.. I guess so..

quote : “Edwin Koh said...
Aiyoh, now i noe why the blogger can be sue... i can see some internal war going on... not that i wan to say MF, i am always beside u ma...u can tell me, i noe i will be telling u the same thing let go let go.... but dun pray to hard i will tell u that maybe one fine day, i will just ask u to pluck out ur gut and then go and whack her... whatever that may come into my mind... aiyah, we are always together so if u wan to speak about these thing just say lah if u really feel depressed keeping it inside.. oh yah pang if that u, dun mind me saying, but i think mf just say it out in a way that he feel better in saying rather than right str in ur face, at least he wan to maintain the good relation by not shouting in front of u.. try to understand, this big ass talk in front of u no matter what it will still be damn offensive so he might as well type it here and sound less offensive which i think that what he actually one.. correct?But i do agree one thing is that we are all so bz with our personal life that we forget who are we...so i have a plan.. anyway i organizing one X bbq at my place anyone interested? make it like Nov time coz let everyone get leave all this and shirley mak will be back by then correct? i try to jio as many as possible so pls help to sprread it ard... hope my msg will get to u all soon...”

Only Edwin knows me the best.. thanx edwin.. thanx for knowing each other for 8 yrs.. looking forward to the bbq u organizing.. and oh btw HapPy 21st Birthday..


Quote : “MiXue said... *Always cling on to good memories into ur heart.. and throw out bad ones n get restart!!*”

Well.. maybe tt’s y I am still clinging on.. she’s my good and sweet memories.. the only bad memories is the bastard..

Quote : “Shirley said...
wah piangz!!!shan..!!is Shirley MOK not MAK hor..!!!all ur fault lah edwin...all becos of ya...poor lil' innocent me...got involve wif...whatever...hahaha...mf heed some advice...c a counsellor if ya can't deal wif it urself...com'on...move on....;)okie..movin on time for me...wif my assignments...haiz...catcha ppl!!;) “

hmmm.. thanx Shirley.. thanx for giving me advice.. I will just have to try..

a lost of hp

Hi

Sorry it’s been quite a long while ever since I last updated my blog.. hmm many things have happened during the period I went missing.. I couldn’t write down my feelings I have been feeling so far… well I got a lot to write todae.. hmmm so bear with me..

My com was down for almost 3 weeks.. $100 was just like tt being flown away for a lousy graphics card.. but now there’s another problem, my computer has got no sound.. the graphics card is fixed but now the sound got prob again.. haiz.. well I guess the computer just doesn’t like me… but I felt something.. during the period of my computer down I couldn’t find any one to help me.. even er jun or gin rong also dun wish to help.. haiz.. well.. dun say er jun.. mi xue have been asking him to help her fix her com too.. but he rejected her so many times.. saying so far away.. yet on fri nite he could go all the way to her house nearby for fishing.. for almost 2 hrs..hmmm well.. I dunnoe I got nothing to say..

Well after xiao mao’s birthday at Z10.. we went back a few times the Z10 and paul lanner at millennium walk tt side.. find tt the atmosphere and environment is very nice.. really like tt place alot.. got big screen for soccer fanzy.. nice waitress.. cool music.. nice sofas too.. haha.. opps am I promoting too much? haha

Well.. it’s abt her again.. not tt I wanted to talk abt her tt much.. but I really wanted to let off those deep feelings I have always been thinking abt.. and I guess I could only talk here.. I wanted to find someone whom I could chat and talk abt… but couldn’t find anyone.. In camp those camp mates are just friends whom u can only work with.. other then tt it would just mean some cursing and swearing over some trivial day to day living culture.. as for those whom we used to called ourselves 1 batch..they are all busy with work, studies and NS.. no one would ever wan to hear me out.. (well or rather I din wan to bother them at all.. they are all so stress up with work stress and stuff.. all they care is to chill out, relax and not to think abt anything.. why must I bother them with all my problems? Or well maybe becoz it’s me.. haha..)

Hmmm these days.. beautiful and sweet memories of her have always been falling back on me and replaying in my head… when I sleep at nite, I dream abt her.. and on fri afternoon.. I receive a msg

“sorry.. may I know who is tis? Cuz I lost my hp n all contacts…” from DearDear hp.. (I still maintains her name as dear dear.. sorry if it sounds so mushy.. but not tt I lazy to change back her name.. but I just want to keep it as a memory.. she will always be my dear dear)..

the moment I received and saw the msg.. I was shock.. how could she, we have been together.. Though not long but.. she just forgets all abt me.. I was thinking in my heart.. how should I react? Say “ I am ming feng ur EX BF?” trying to stress out the point tt I am still missing her? I was at a lost.. I have been thinking abt her all this long.. and it’s just a msg.. and I am stunned.. I dunnoe wat I should.. well I just replied with a “hi lost hp again? Same old habit of misplacing hp.. well I guess u needed know who am i? and need not find out too.. I am just a insignificant guy living in a small part of sg who still has keeps his little princess deep in his heart not letting go..” I was at a lost.. not wanting to let her know completely who am I.. giving her a mystery feeling but well I guess it’s easy to find out though.. and I was thinking.. since she has lost my no. and already has a bf le..y dun we just lost contact form this on..? but thinking back.. NONO I can’t do tt.. I have already lost her.. I dun wanna lose her as a friend again.. this incident reminds me of the past.. there was once, when we were not yet together.. me in poly.. she once did lost her hp.. I keep trying to contact her but couldn’t.. every time I call her no. it doesn’t get through.. I also got her home no. but I din dare to call her house.. not wanting to create a commotion.. and tt lost of phone incident caused us to lose contact for 6 mths I think.. the feeling of getting back in touch with her felt so great.. it felt so much of starting all anew again.. we would talk abt how we have been doing.. and stuff. .work.. family and friends..
but for now.. it’s totally a different feeling.. the feeling of wanting her to know how much I have been missing her and how much I wanted to talk to her.. but yet the feeling of rejections and ignorance again.. it isn’t easy.. I did not want her to ignore me.. I also do not want to lose her again… ARRRGGGHHhh… I am so frustrated.. this morning she msged me again.. it was just a simple good-day msg.. I was also surprise she would still msg me.. maybe it’s the sign saying ‘we are still friends” but in the morning msg.. she used “ DEAR frenz.. how’s ur day enjoy ur day” y must she use DEAR? Does she still treat me as DEAR?? Well I do still keeps her name as dear.. but…well... to be continued…


well I guess I shall continue next week… haiz wat an uncertain week ahead.. with enchik not around and sgt surin in command, makes me wonder wat could we be doing deployment? exctrication? hmmm pray hards..

The Search..

hi..

hmmm it's sunday again.. meaning it's time for me to book in again.. haiz.. wat a boring life.. ppl have told me army is fun and allows u to get to know more friends.. but.. i dun seems to feel it.. well i shall leave my army life to another story ba..

Today is Mi Xue's 21st Birthday.. But she celebrated it last nite at THE ONE KTV.. hmmm well everyone in my batch have seems to turn 21 as the yr nearing to an end.. hmmm her birthday was one of the 'unquin' one i have been to.. having able to celebrate one's birthday at a KTV VIP room was one of the most happening thing to do... and having to sing to everyone on her birthday is also one of her wish i guess... hmmmm yest really felt like been to a personal idol concert ( ge ren yan chang hui) but also with some other guest invitation.. haha.. hmmm could see tt she really enjoyed herself very much.. wah heng ah last nite they sa bo me again.. sa bo me and Mi Xue together.. lucky i siam away.. haha...

Yesterday was also Shirely's 21st Birthday.. hmmm the 2 sisters.. one in sg one in Aust... wat a way to celebrate their 21st birthday together.. hmmm still remember.. during our yr 2.. the 4 gals celebrated their birthday together at a chalet.. hmmm was really happening tt time.. but those were the days..any way i here also wish the 2 of them HAPPY 21st BirTHdAy ba.. Wish u all the BEST>>...

haiz.. today's is sunday again.. meaing it's time for me to book in liao.. hmmm went to my grand ma's house early in the morning.. slept for 4 hrs only.. i reached home at 6am and woke up at 10.00.. after tt went to chinatown with my parents.. i din like to go chinatown... there's one BIG reason..

back to HER again..

thinking abt her...

HER dad works as an ice-cream man.. selling ice-cream at chinatown... she used to go her dad's stall help out often.. i followed her too... but after breaking up for so long.. i still miss her.. TODAY.. i went chinatown.. at 1st i knew her dad working there.. was really hoping to see her.. but on the other hand i din wan to.. i didn't want to see another guy who's standing beside her.. i feel so miserable.. Dunnoe wheather is was lucky or unlucky for me.. SHE wasn't there when i passby her dad's stall.. ever since we did not keep in touch, whenever i go out.. either at my area's hawak center(becoz her bf also lives in GHIM MOH), or whenever i go to town..i would open my eyes wide.. in hope of meeting her some where out there.. but i got a confuse feelings in my heart... i wan to meet her.. i wan to see how is she.. i wan to noe how she has changed into.. i just wan to see her.. and hug her... BUT... i know i can't do tt.. it's no longer wat it's used to be.. How i wish it could be like wat TV Drama serials always happens.. searching everywhere for a long period of time.. and ended up meeting her in somewhere... liek a couple of long dist love relationship meeting each other for the 1st time.. well yes.. pls condem me.. i am dreaming.. but... i just do wish something of tt sort happens..

Yest nite i also met carrie.. i think i scare her away.. the very 1st thing i ask her was who the bastard is.. i guess she's the only one whom i knew noes the bastard.. i hereby saes sorry to her.. but coming back to the question.. DOES KNOW WHO THE BASTARD IS? really tt impt?? what would u do if u know who the F is him? KILL him?? if u kill him would she comes back to u?? the ans is diffinately NO!!.. Killing is a crime too... BUT>... being kept in the dark for so long.. and not knowing who actually is the person makes me such a useless guy... at least i could know what kinda man is he.. Furthermore the person is frm my sec sch... tt makes it even worst... haiz.. the more i think the more i am sad... GIN last nite told me to let go... not only her.. alot ppl also... but... maybe it takes time...

haiz.. hate the feeling of booking in... as if i am cut away frm the outside world for another week.. but wat to do.. A MAN GOT TO DO WAT A MAN HAVE TO...

The break up..

:'(

Shortly after V-day.. we broke up.. we had a quarrel.. abt me treating her as a gf becoz i wanted a gf tt's all.. She felt tt i dun love her and becoz i wanted to feel how it is like to have a gf.. i hated it.. i couldn't accept the fact tt we broke up.. i treated her well.. and nv had cheated on her or watever.. she brought up the topic of breaking up... i tried to hang on... i did my very best.. i brought her back to mt faber one nite.. tot of patching things up wiht her.. but she says she couldn;t face me again.. but would wish we continue becoming good friends.. 'good friends??" i ask it there's anybody inbetween us.. izzit her ex? she strongly said no.. tt nite.. i send her back again..i felt disappointed.. i even kneel down on her doorstep to ask for a restart... but she rejects me.. she cried again at her floor lift lobby... i looked up frm my car... i got the same look as mths ago when we 1st started... she called me telling me to drive carefully.. i told her the same thign.. i am a good driver... but i was thinking.. wat would happened if i really did not drive carefully and meet and accident? i wanted her to care abt me.. but i did not wan her to worry abt me.. BUT I drove home safely..

Days have past.. i tried calling her.. msging her.. she rejects my calls.. ignored me totally.. i was worried abt her.. it affected my work totally.. whenever i am free i am thinking abt her.. thinking abt how it could happened.. she is just a simple gal and i have hurt her so much.. i couldn't sleep at nite.. thinking abt her and the times we had....

weeks have past.. finially she replied my msg... i ask for a meet up... hopeing could patch thigns up.. and clear everythign... she rejected me... she turned me down... i was so sad... everytime saying she isn't free... was suspecting she was with someone else..

One Fri.. after booked out.. i drove up to her place... msged her.. 'i am waiting at ur void deck.. could we meet? i will wait till u come down.." she came down after bathing... we chatted abt how's life and stuff.. i pop the question again.. asking if we could still be together.. she surprise me this time with a big surprise... SHE'S ATTACHED... my heart breaks frm tt moment... she told me.. after we broke up.. she was sad.. and there is this guy who came into her life.. concerned abt her.. showed her some love.. and he who is older then her.. she fell in love with him... i did not beleive her... IT's THE BASTARD who stole her away frm me.. Up till todae.. i still thinks is tt farking bastard who stole her away.. i could still remember when we were together... there's once or twice.. she told me she meeting some guy near my house to pass him some vcds and books.. i felt it was ok.. since we both had our friends.. i did not fear anything.. How could she have fallen in love with some other guys in such a short while?? less than a period of 2 mths?? i could still remember her saying tt she couldn't forget her ex.. during the 1st time when we 1st started... and yet she told me she have aready forgotted abt me.. and let it be the past liao.. and moved on with life.. and starting to look at cute guys again.. and i was totally a history? i was furious that nite.. how could she just say forgets means forgets.. dun tell me forgeting a person can be tt easy... till now i have not forgotten abt her... i felt like dying... i was angry at her.. but it was my fault which made her to call for the breaks up... friends around me tried telling me to ignore her.. forget abt her... but i can't.. till now... i am still thinking of her... i gave her my best wishes.. for her and her bf.. but i did tt out of curtersy.. i guess tt's the only way out to get away frm the situation.. but i was still hopeing a patch up..On the way back i msged her this.. 'just remember in this world in this part of singapore, there's a guy loving u deeply in his heart not letting go.. i am sorry'

tt nite... i cried.. on the way back... i called KM.. he too had a some relation problems.. we chatted at his void deck... we toked alot.. tok abt him and his gf.. how things is.. he told me to let go.. but i can't.. telling me tt life still have to go on.. on point hanging on.. Back in camp.. i couldn't concentrate.. every min was left thinking abt her..

up to todae... 5 mths after we broke off... i am still missing her.. i remember once... the nite b4 my challenge relay.. she msg me.. asking how's life.. i was busy wiht some prep.. did not replied her.. but did not want her to feel me ignoreing her.. so i ended up calling her.. we chatted.. she sounded fine... still got the same prob of haveing headace now and then and the same cough.. i could not hold myself.. and told her i still miss her and i still loved her... i know it's wrong to do tt.. since she has got a bf liao.. but i still couldn't accept the fact that the farking bastard stole her away just becoz she had a lost feelings tt time and attacked her during her weakest pt.. i hate ppl who does tt... will it last?? i dunnoe.. yes she would have felt loved at tt time becoz.. it was her most sadest pt in life tt she have felt.. having a break up..but becoz of tt she fell in love with him?? i still couldn't accept it up to todae... I did not blame her... i know it's not her fault for the break up and not her fault for falling in love.. it's the bastard... i dunnoe y maybe it's becoz i still love her and couldn't affort to fault her saying these.. but... i always felt it this way..

on her birthday.. i msged her.. asking her for a meet up to pass her her present which i spent quite a time finding it... but not to forget with the help of mi xue and GL.. she ignored me.. she rejects my msg... till now her present is still inside my cardboard.. still waitign for the chance to give her.. We had agreed b4.. we would celebrate our birthdays together.. but she broke her promise... On my birthday... she did not turn up... i was disappointed.. though i have got many frineds around to celebrate with me.. but... i still miss her... tt nite i and my frineds went to watch initial D... the ending was so sad.. we went supper after tt.. and i was sad till i din say a word... i wanted to ask mi xue to msg her.. as i know she wun reply my msg.. but i dunnoe wat to msg her..

As days passes, weeks gone by, and mths flew... the feelings for her should have faded away like many of my friends said.. it takes time to heal... BUT.. i felt tt as time pass, the more i missed her.. I often had the urged to jsut go to her house and give her somethigns.. but i did not.. i did not want to see her with her bf.. tt bastard.. call me jealous.. but seeing someone whom u deeply loved with another guy isn't a good sight... i know.. many ppl out tt are scolding now me saying.. i can't treat her well so let some other guy whom can treat her well like a gf and at teh same tiem she could be loved... some says.. IF YOU LOVE SOME ONE.. YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE WITH HER..love can't be forced... 'u prefer her to suffer being with u or u preffer her to be love by others while u could just quitely love her and let her go..' till todae.. i shall ignore her till the time i could tell myself to treat her as a friend not someone whom i wish to still hanging on to then i shall msg her..