MIA

Hi

Oh well… hi guys.. I am back… it’s been quite long I update my blog since my last entry.. hehe… sorry to keep u guys waiting.. hmmm.. just a brief update on the past events..

15th Oct..

hmmm… that sat was a special one.. it was the 1st ever friend’s birthday celebration I went throughout the year so happily celebrated... Oh it was Gin Rong’s birthday.. just to sidetrack alittle… in the month of October, I have got many friends’ birthday.. countless to name all.. even my mum also don’t believes I got so many friends having birthday every week.. almost practically every week there’s one.. some weeks there are even 2 or 3.. well.. I just got to say I got many friends.. haha… ok.. back to the topic.. Gin Rong’s birthday.. he held it at his house… hmmm a place where numerous club celebrations had been held b4.. a place where even our graduation celebrations for our senior (the batch b4 us) was held too.. at his place we even had a small recording studio to record a CD as part of a souvenir for the seniors.. the CDs include songs they themselves have written for the club and some songs written by our batch itself.. it’s kinda a memory for them.. hmmm recalling those poly days.. thinking back.. those were the days… oh yah where’s our own graduation celebration from our juniors when we graduate that time? Oh well.. it’s been so long since we graduated liao.. I guess it’s ok lah.. well.. maybe we are just too F up.. anyway that isn’t the topic.. back to NGR.. his intention was just maybe a small bbq over at his place and asking our batch over like a small gathering at the same time celebrate his birthday... well.. I guess different ppl have different perceptions of their 21st birthday.. some ppl like to have their birthday in big ballrooms with min of at least 20 tables which includes friends family and relatives.. and to some ppl a little more cash in hand like to have it in KTVs, PUBs and Lounges.. and some just have in their condo’s function room or at their own small confined house and just a small buffet and invites some long lost friends all the frm their pri sch to sec sch to poly and their camp mates.. well.. I guess NGR just don’t wanna spent too much $$ on such an event.. that’s y he choose a bbq and prepare the food himself... me went to help him early in the afternoon.. hmmm.. the night went pretty well.. with almost everyone present.. and the most funny thing was none of us drove that night.. Edwin, er jun, me all did not drive.. well maybe it’s a good start to go car free days..haha..

last sat.. 22 Oct..

Oh.. it was Zihui’s and William’s birthday.. Zihui is my pri sch friend.. hmmm.. he invited me over.. and zhong jie wanted to go too.. so we went Tampines mall to look for a present for him before going to the chalet.. after that went over to William’s birthday at changi.. I was late again.. I was so apologetic abt it.. but I bo bian.. by the time I reached I saw William walking out of the pool drenched.. a clear sign of being sabotage.. haha I miss the actions again.. anyway.. I brought my camera along and so we took a few photos.. after that we went to a new chill out place – SETTLER.. hmmm it’s a board game café.. and we had our fun there.. and later on I send them back.. well.. I was quite happy becoz for the 1st time ever… after umpteen times of sending people back home, it was the 1st time I heard from someone that she loves my car (if only it’s my own car) and my driving.. it was Merisa who said that.. she says.. my driving is very smooth and comfortable.. she even wanted to sleep in my car..(oh well maybe I was just exaggerating) haha.. but I was delighted.. but hey William don’t get me wrong.. I do not have any other intention.. what I meant was, after almost a year and a half of driving and sending people home.. she’s the 1st person who told me my driving was so smooth and comfortable… even Mi Xue didn’t even say that before.. well maybe she sat too many times and has gotten used to it le.. but I really felt like flying though.. but well I still got to get home safely.. on the way back, her (Janice) image starts to fall back on me again… with what Merisa told me it was such a smooth ride.. I started to imagine her sitting right beside me and watch me drives.. I recalled how she would always sit sideways with her back to the door and watch me as I drove seriously.. I missed the way she look at me.. and I would drives with one hand on the steering wheel and the other holding her hands tightly.. but.. it was also in this way that she told me b4… she dislike the way I drove.. she says it’s too serious and too fierce.. at that time, I thought to myself.. I am driving.. I need to concentrate.. and I hate people who don’t give ways and cut into my lane.. but well that’s history already.. that’s the reason why.. I changed.. I learn to be more alert and at the same time ignore those inconsiderate drivers on the road.. I was happy someone has said my driving was smooth.. oh well.. Takumi is me.. hehe.. Takumi Fujiwara will wait for his Natsuki Mogi's return.. Till then He will improve his driving skills to give her a smooth pleasant ride home.. Takumi will wait for her forever.. no one else could replace Natsuki Mogi

29th Oct

hmmm it’s weekend again.. and shit.. this week I got 3 friends celebrating their birthday.. one is Louis.. my BMT bunk mate.. now an officer.. on Friday.. I felt so bad I didn’t went for his birthday though.. coz I was in camp.. and I book out only at 8pm.. by the time I reached his place, I guess everyone has left.. and I would be so strange.. so I went home as I felt tired also.. Sat.. it was Vincent and Eric’s birthday.. they both had their celebrations on the same day.. but I only went for Vincent one… I met Tian Ai there.. and some of my classmate.. well it’s only 2 person not a lot came though.. after that I went lateh with Mi Xue they all.. I felt so bad for er jun.. coz nobody bother to reply his msg as he was trying his best to find a program for the night.. at 1st I ask him to find some program.. I suggested chomp chomp makan and some place to chill out.. he said okie.. and started msging the rest.. as he was at home.. easier to contact.. but he waited for more than 1 hr and yet nobody reply.. so his contingency plan was Dota with weishan Johnny they all.. so I thought he got his own program liao and didn’t bother to msg him either.. I could really understand how he felt.. being confined in camp for a week.. and finally the weekend has come, yet no program.. and everybody ignores him.. he would think of.. ‘next time why should I bother when they jio me out again?’ well I guess maybe there are some misunderstanding somewhere… as for me.. I almost felt the same way… but lucky they choose to come out after GX house..

SUNDAYS..

I hate Sundays.. I know I might have offended many ppl by stating that statement.. by I hate Sundays.. now every weekend to me it seems so boring.. with nothing to do.. nowhere to go.. and nobody to go out with.. especially Sundays.. it’s either going out with my parents to settle some errands or to stay at home nothing to do.. except to stick to the front of the computer… for example today… I have agreed on to meet GL at edwin’s place for a swim and a gym workout.. but unfortunately… he has something on.. so the event was cancelled.. leaving me alone the whole day… which forces me to recall back the times when I was with her.. by the evening, I would be at her place and going for dinner b4 booking in camp… KM just scolded me in MSN.. he said.. ‘last time is last time.. sad for a period enough le.. then move on…’ But… Arghz… there’s always a but in my dictionary …. I missed her… booking in tonight again… haiz.. lucky the week is short with 2 holidays in between.. but I felt so stupid.. having to book in and out on alternate days.. y can’t they be flexible?? Are doctors all so strait forwards in their thinking?? Well I don’t wish to say much..

A dream is meant to be a dream.. it will never come true

Hi

Well.. it’s the topic of her again..

Many ppl have asked.. y do u set up a blog? Blogs are only for those girls whom talk abt their daily lives with some posting cute pictures of their daily activity.. and for those guys who set up blogs are gays.. or they are just ugly and lonely.. But I set up this blog site is for her.. I wanted her to know that in this small part of the world.. in a small estate of a small country, Singapore, there’s still a lonely insignificant guy waiting for her.. Loving her deeply in his heart…

Many ppl have also asked.. does a combat medic in SAF really tt slack? Too slack to allow me to think of her every day? Every moment? NO! It’s NOT.. we do have our own training.. but to me, thinking of her makes me thinks of nothing else but her.. not to bother abt those childish platoon mates.. Whom likes to have prejudices against a certain group of ppl.. they just can’t seems to grow up.. and for every tough training, it’s only her tt I could think of to make myself motivate to move on.. it has since been a mental support for me.. but without her knowing it…

I have also started to wonder… hmmm AH HENG could just easily find a girl and be his gf from one of the outpost duty assigned to him.. He’s just a lucky guy.. tony.. has also started to date a girl.. with a toy frog from whom we believe to be a girl’s gift placing it by the side of his pillow… KB.. has so many girls around him.. and he still dunnoe who he likes.. there’s so many ppl starting to be in love.. and yet the bastard stole my happiness away… I always wonder.. do girls really like bad guy? There’s a saying in Chinese.. “ nan ren bu huai, nui ren bu ai” ( ‘guys not naughty enough, no girls will like’ literally translate) does it really mean I got to be stealing away other ppl’s gf then I will be able to find my happiness too??

Okie back to topic.. the dream.. there’s a series of events tt past..

Fri.. hurray it’s book out day.. I went home.. took a bus back.. Listening to my mp3 player.. ever since we broke off, I had been searching for songs that delicate to my heart.. sad songs especially.. and starts thinking abt her again.. I walk home from the bus stop and bypass the market and hawker centre.. FLASH!.. I saw a HER and a guy.. OH NO!!.. it’s really her.. I have been wanting so much to meet her.. to see her.. to see how much she has changed.. I was stoned.. I couldn’t react.. I did not know what to react.. she was holding his hand.. talking and very intimate.. she saw me.. but acted like as if we were strangers.. there was a lot of things in my mind running.. I could treat it as if nothing had happened and walked on.. or I could treat it like I had really gotten over her.. and walk up to her to say hi.. and chit chat like a long lost friend.. but I couldn’t.. the sight of that bastard.. makes me more agitated.. he makes me feel more like taking a jet knife from my pouch and walk up to him stab him in his back and went off.. I choose the 1st option.. I walked on and turned back for a last glance at her.. SHE gave me a BIG FAT UGLY smile.. as if asking me to FUCK OFF.. I was very upset..I had long for this day to come and it was like kinda a dream come true.. (or rather it was a nightmare tt came true) I knew there will be a day I will meet the both of them together hugging and kissing.. but I did not expect it to be on such a day… the bastard lives in my estate.. so they came over to the hawker centre for dinner b4 proceeding to his house I believe.. at that moment, it was just like watching a tv drama.. a guy witnessing his ex-gf with another guy walking along the streets.. I never expect myself to be witnessing that until tt day.. I really do not know how…

This afternoon.. after last night’s event, I woke up early after umpteen times of disturbance by my parents.. I went to sleep again at noon time.. this time I had a beautiful dream.. a dream tt would never happen again.. yes it’s abt her.. I dreamt abt her.. I couldn’t remember the events prior leading to the dreams.. but here’s how it goes.. I dream tt I met her.. she told me she broke off with her now bf to be with me.. I was puzzled.. I asked her why.. she told me it was becoz of me.. she still loves me.. I was puzzled too.. I said NO! to her though I wanted it so bad.. I told her I knew she still loves him.. with that I woke up upon the rings of the telephone.. arghh.. it made me so du lan.. I wanted to continue back the dream.. but well I guess I couldn’t…It was such a nice dream.. In the dream, we hugged each other.. just like what we used to do in the past.. I wanted to hug her and not to let go…she choose to stay close to me.. but it really makes me wonder.. what if it really happens? What should I do? I am so confused.. well after all it’s just a dream.. a dream tt will never come true..

Arhg it’s another mon again.. got to book in again.. it’s another week of tough missing of her and thinking of her again in a room shared with 6 more other guys…ARHG….

i am back..

Hi

Hmmm hello it’s been 2 long weeks ever since my last entry.. I am so sorry... just a quick update on past events..

2 weeks ago, my parents went on a holiday.. I was so happy.. coz it means I could use the car.. but also had to fight for the usage with my 2nd sis.. well.. she’s always complaining.. Complains tt I always use the car.. Argh.. whatever.. I hated it.. I am in the army from Mon – Fri.. She works Mon – Fri.. but it’s an 8-5 job.. she could use the car at night.. and I just wish to go out with my friends to more places.. y dun she just understands.. Well.. at last I won.. I got to use on the sat and she uses on the sun.. FAIR? Well I guess so..

That Sat afternoon… went orchard with KM to buy his cloths for presentation on Mon.. and went for Glen’s commission parade.. KM had nowhere to go so asked him along.. At the parade.. met a few guys.. Valmon (my BMT buddy whom we voted him for OCS.. It was his commission parade too together with Louis and Jason.. all my BMT mates) Vincent was there.. suffian was there on duty.. and Lydia was there too.. she went with cq for Eric’s commission parade.. well.. On the parade itself there was a lot of ppl whom I knew.. but time doesn’t permits me to go round to congrats them all.. well.. Actually my main purpose was to see glen commissioned.. it is an honorable event/moment for one who’s able to stand in the parade and with his family sitting in the grand stand watching him.. not to forget.. his friends who is there for him too.. i wanted him to know too tt I am also his friend whom attended his commission.. I had missed Edwin and William’s commission parade. i had something on tt day.. I did not want to miss yet another good friend’s commission so I was there.. well after all I am just a chao medic.. whom in any event of an accident, is suppose to save ppl.. to help injured ppl that’s all.. nothing honorable abt it.. That sat night went pretty well with us ended up in handle bar.. it’s a nice place..

The next day.. the club had an Interactive Camp reece at pasir ris.. it’s been a long time since I last joined them for any events.. and wanted to make my presence felt.. so agreed on meeting them.. woke up early in the morning.. went to helped my dad wash his car.. my sis had used the car for that whole week and I just used it on sat.. yet I had to do the washing.. wat to do.. after washing, went back to bath and change and went to pick mi xue GL GX and kel up.. upon reaching there.. it started to rain.. argh.. all my effort of washing the car has gone into the drain.. coz after every downpour, the stains of the raindrops will still remains on the windows and body of the car.. I was so frustrated.. but couldn’t do anything but just to drive on.. when we were there, was surprised to learn tt Keith was there too.. not too sure his main purpose but I guess he misses them too.. but I was so frustrated.. I spent half of my day waiting and waiting.. waiting for one another.. waiting for ppl to make decision.. waiting for ppl to come.. waiting for ppl to move on..Argh… I just hate it.. there’s so many ppl there.. and there’s so many opinion as to where to go.. what to do? Nobody wants to make a decision.. and when after someone makes a decision on what to do, nobody wants to follow.. it’s so frustrating.. And finally after much persuasion (and abit of tantrum)by mi xue, we decided to go KTV.. i was feeling tired but went with them though.. At the KTV.. nothing much except tt when a cute girl sang a song (zu wo shen ri kua le- by LANDY) I was memorize by tt.. I like her voice.. and the way she sang it.. it was beautiful.. even better than the singer…after tt day I went on to find the mp3 of tt song..

Yesterday.. it was another frustrating day for me.. it’s KB’s( my buddy in camp now) birthday.. he had a party at pasir ris.. he had a ballroom party.. of at least 20 tables.. we went there it was just like an wedding dinner without the presence of the bride.. (well maybe she’s present, just tt he never acknowledged her) I waited for jacky for at least half hour to 45mins.. for him to pick me up on his bike.. it is not the 1st time I sat on his bike, but it’s the 1st time riding a bike on the expressway running at speeds of up too 110km/h.. It’s fun and scary though.. after dinner.. went to meet Edwin mi xue they all.. I was so apologetic tt I choose to pang sae them for a batch dinner at merchant court and a birthday celebration at pasir ris.. I wanted to make up for it so I went to meet them up.. I admit I was late.. but I did not expect them to end the night so early and everyone decided to go home.. when I reached the pub, I haven sit down for more then 5 mins b4 they decided to leave.. I did not drive last night.. so I thought I could drink some.. it’s been quite long since I last drank.. (for those who don’t know, I usually drives and when I drives I can’t drink.. but it was for the sake of them.. so that I could give them a lift home after tt.. everytime they went drinking, I could only watch them drink.. and all I could ask the waitress was ‘erm.. do u have any non-alcoholic drinks?’ it’s so embarrassing but nevertheless it’s me whom choose to drive) but last night.. when I did not had the chance to drive.. I wasn’t drinking too.. when I reach there… all their faces showed signs of shagginess.. tiredness .. sleepiness. And when I went in.. every one had the look.. HURRAY!! Ming Feng is here.. we can go home le.. (am I tt unfriendly? Or am I an uninvited guess?) I bought my digi cam last night.. and thought I could take some batch photos… but the 1 of the main person wasn’t there (Edwin who went home earlier becoz he wan to watch movie) and with all their shag look, I couldn’t get any.. GL suggested super.. nobody 2nd his suggestion.. except me.. could see tt he suggest tt just to make me happy.. coz they just had buffet and was so full.. I rejected his offer and went home with them… on my way home.. I kept thinking.. y.. I just had to admit to myself tt they are really tired.. mi xue went on a KTV marathon frm morning till night.. EJ GR must have either went fishing again or went shopping for their fishing equip.. the rest must have had a busy day… I got to admit I was late in joining them.. it’s not their fault tt I am late.. Neither do they have to wait for me.. I couldn’t spent the happy celebration with them..

Comments/forum or what ever..

Hi..

I really appreciate all the comments tt came in… continue giving.. DON’T stop the comments.. hehe.. I remember there was once er jun and gin rong kept asking me to post entries.. so tt they could post comments.. just like catching a drama series… haha.. well.. I am not any director or whatever.. I am just a chao medic.. whom is the lowest class in SAF…

Replying to the comments made..

quote : “Anonymous said...
pls dun put the 2 issues (fishing and the repairing of pc) together... and dun say i din help. u called and i offered u my advice. rem that? btw juz to let u know im currently not that into graphics card and pc stuff liaox. pls understand that ever since i started serving NS i've practically lost touch on those latest IT gadgets therefore not doin any more research. pls understand.thanks.”

Well.. I know u help me in advising me the graphics cards and all those.. but I mislook the point tt u are in army.. and has gradually lost touch with IT stuff..i always thought u are resourceful.. tt’s y I asked ur help..

Quote: “doey said...
I feel if ya need a listening ear.. i can be there for you... No advice-giving.. Jus a listening ear.. If ya need help to solve ya probelms.. can give me a call.. if ya trust in me.. “

Well.. not tt I never trust u.. it’s maybe the barrier between us.. I just dunnoe how I should communicate with u.. not tt I hate or prejudice against u or ur religion, aiyah I dunnoe how ot explain lahz..

Quote: “Anonymous said...
just to add in to the incident...i feel very sad that you... YES, YOU...! my good brother... has said such things about the incident...... i feel very hurt and sad that you can bear such thoughts about people... be it the fishing part "but he rejected her so many times.. saying so far away.. yet on fri nite he could go all the way to her house nearby for fishing.. for almost 2 hrs..hmmm well.. I dunnoe I got nothing to say.." or "kill that F*ker"...if you really think that way.. i really feel that i wasted my time because of me actually crossing the road to pass ya the cd... and to miss my first bus...... actually my point is...you not really happy because of such things... just say lar... need to do such things bo? kinda like backstab siaz.... whole day act like nothing wrong like tt... not happy say lar... we can all sit nicely talk talk mar...maybe its a sum of all other reasons/or incidents you face... thats why you are venting all ur feeling on this... but... i won't take this as an excuse lor...”

well.. I really appreciate ur effort tt day.. u came over to pass me the CD and causes u to miss ur bus.. I am really sorry and thankful for it.. it wasn’t meant to be a backstab.. I was just stating how I felt.. this is the only place I could vent my anger on.. there’s no other place.. as long as I do not post and racist comments or anything tt’s what blogging is abt.. I guess so..

quote : “Edwin Koh said...
Aiyoh, now i noe why the blogger can be sue... i can see some internal war going on... not that i wan to say MF, i am always beside u ma...u can tell me, i noe i will be telling u the same thing let go let go.... but dun pray to hard i will tell u that maybe one fine day, i will just ask u to pluck out ur gut and then go and whack her... whatever that may come into my mind... aiyah, we are always together so if u wan to speak about these thing just say lah if u really feel depressed keeping it inside.. oh yah pang if that u, dun mind me saying, but i think mf just say it out in a way that he feel better in saying rather than right str in ur face, at least he wan to maintain the good relation by not shouting in front of u.. try to understand, this big ass talk in front of u no matter what it will still be damn offensive so he might as well type it here and sound less offensive which i think that what he actually one.. correct?But i do agree one thing is that we are all so bz with our personal life that we forget who are we...so i have a plan.. anyway i organizing one X bbq at my place anyone interested? make it like Nov time coz let everyone get leave all this and shirley mak will be back by then correct? i try to jio as many as possible so pls help to sprread it ard... hope my msg will get to u all soon...”

Only Edwin knows me the best.. thanx edwin.. thanx for knowing each other for 8 yrs.. looking forward to the bbq u organizing.. and oh btw HapPy 21st Birthday..


Quote : “MiXue said... *Always cling on to good memories into ur heart.. and throw out bad ones n get restart!!*”

Well.. maybe tt’s y I am still clinging on.. she’s my good and sweet memories.. the only bad memories is the bastard..

Quote : “Shirley said...
wah piangz!!!shan..!!is Shirley MOK not MAK hor..!!!all ur fault lah edwin...all becos of ya...poor lil' innocent me...got involve wif...whatever...hahaha...mf heed some advice...c a counsellor if ya can't deal wif it urself...com'on...move on....;)okie..movin on time for me...wif my assignments...haiz...catcha ppl!!;) “

hmmm.. thanx Shirley.. thanx for giving me advice.. I will just have to try..